It's not me, it's you. Oh, and let's not be friends.
Of course I'm being serious. And completely rational. Do you hear how calm my voice is?
And yes, actually, there is someone else. She's younger, prettier and best of all, doesn't escort complete strangers across my welcome mat and through my front door while I'm at work. I no longer come home to online gamblers and pharmaceutical reps with their feet up on my coffee table. No "enhancement" peddlers eating my chips while washing them down with a Dr. Pepper. And the last Dr. Pepper at that. Grrr... I'm choosing not to bring up all those shiesters with their "look what you've won" gimmicks 'cause I don't even want to go down that road.
Yeah yeah, don't start with the theatrics. Here we go with the blah blah college sweetheart cakes routine again. Not to interrupt your reverie, but guess what? A long and storied history together does NOT always equal a bright and rosie future. Love at first email site might work in the movies, but you're no Meg Ryan and I'm all out of patience and popcorn.