Three Words Back...

A Not-So-Quick Detour For Coffee, Internet

Dear Coffee Bean in Santa Monica,

I really wanted to write a short blog from your comfy wicker chairs.  Post a few pics from that famous pier just around the corner, maybe ruminate on the soothing qualities of spending an hour just watching the tides roll in.  But no, the time I've spent waiting for even just one photo to upload is painfully reminiscent of the hour delay I had on the 405 last night on my way into town.

So...unfortunately for you, I will have to try my hand at a classic travelogue from parts somewhere north of here.

However, I would like to thank you for the tasty ice-blended hazelnut concoction.  And for playing Miami (Counting Crows, not Will Smith) while I was here.  That made my stay a little more enjoyable.

Sincerely,

Me.

It's Been So Long Since I've Seen The Ocean...

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean
I guess I should...

I'll write more about the trip later, but for now the Santa Monica Pier is calling my name...

California Dreaming On Such A Winter's Day

When I woke up in Dayton this morning there was a foot of snow on the ground.  When I land in San Diego it's supposed to be 71 and sunny.  I've been told on numerous occasions recently that I will be hated for the next week.  And that was without mentioning my plan to send all my Ohio peeps some postcards from the more February-friendly scenes on the west coast.

Today's plan: find some cheap sunglasses.  At least I remembered the TomTom and the ipod.

Check back often for the next several days, because this is mostly going to be a solo trip up the coast.  So cross your fingers for lots of good pictures, a few good stories from the road, and enough California song lyrics to fill the Pacific Ocean.

I'm Not Sure What To Say

I'm not sure what to say
so I hope
fireflies remember to do
exactly what it was they used to...

It's been a grey couple of days.  My TomTom guides me around the Midwest, but it can't lead me out from inside my head.  I keep having these moments where my heart catches up with the knowledge that it's had for a month.  All my adjectives and metaphors have crumbled...they don't hold up any better than pulverized Kleenex in my hands.  Turning a phrase here is much easier than talking out loud about it.  Haven't turned that corner yet.

When I sit down and try to write, I think about that morning in 2006 when I first sat down to write this birthday post.  It took me something like two hours to write and rewrite, and to this day it's the piece I've spent the longest on that I still felt fell so very far of the intended mark.  Usually if I tinker with a thought long enough, I can walk away and feel like I nailed it just right.  Remember the pre-digital camera days, when you were sometimes stuck with a fuzzy image to commemorate a great memory?  The details are there, but not quite detailed enough?  I thought all that even back then when I posted it, but I assumed I'd always get another whack at it down the line.  Some Mother's Day or Christmas I'd get the right words down on paper.  Maybe even on the belated birthday card that never left my Ohio hotel room.

I was in a living room full of people the last time I talked to her.  Most other calls I would have skipped or kept short, but our phone schedules rarely coincided anymore.  So I found a good spot on the stairway and covered my other ear to muffle the noise below.  She had broken her knee just the day before, and wasn't sure yet when her surgery would be scheduled.  From there we talked Girl Scout Cookies and whatever else was going on in our lives.  I probably made a mental note to get that birthday card in the mail.

Three days later she had surgery.  The next day, Thursday, I was running an errand for the branch.  Driving from one town to the next on Highway 33, it was a cold and sunny day in Ohio.  It was late afternoon and I was having a particularly good day for no particular reason at all.  I called to check on her.  She was resting, so I only talked to Stacey for a few minutes.  I hung up the phone and looked at the day old snow covering the fields.  I reminded myself to send her flowers once I got back to the hotel, and thought about what kind I would send.  Some minor emergency awaited my return to the branch fifteen minutes later.  I spent half an hour talking to my boss on the phone once I finally got back to my room.  And by then I had completely forgotten about the flowers.

I wish I didn't have so many recent examples of good intentions that never quite materialized.  I grew up looking up to her, and I never stopped.  I only discovered new reasons to continue.  I can't contextualize just how high a regard I held her in.  I told a friend years ago that she embodied the idea of success to me.  Smart, funny, caring, patient, loving, honest.....she had all these qualities (and so many more) in great supply.  By simply being herself, she did so much more for me than I could ever explain.  She was such a fantastic person...I loved being around her.

Five hours later, I don't feel any more satisfied with this attempt than the last one.  It's still a rough draft of all the things I don't know how to say.

Lyrical Spotlight - Josh Ritter

California by Josh Ritter

Going out to California
Gonna let the water warm my clothes
I'm alone but I'm not lonely
Gonna trade the weather for the Western coast
No don't cry
I'll be back and I'll
Bring the sun to shine
In your eyes
On your shoulders
Sunset Boulevard will strip for money
Mulholland is a long drag for the lonely hearts
Down along the Imperial Valley
Runs a river of homelessness and cinema stars
Don't say
The trip's been done
A hundred thousand times
Cause this one
Is mine
So I will work at what work finds me
And I will take what comfort I can get
I'll be back when I'm good and ready
California doesn't seem to think I'm ready yet
No don't cry
I'll be back and I'll
Bring the sun to shine
In your eyes
On your shoulders

Bedtime in Fifteen Minutes

I'm tired.  I'm in Kentucky.  I'm two miles from a Sonic.

Lots of work stuff going on, but it's non-bloggable.  Good stuff, just not fit for printing here.

Really, really tired.

Live Blogging The "Celine Dion: That's Just The Woman In Me" Televised Concert

Heh.

Just kidding...but what better way to highlight how atrocious my TV options are tonight?

What Passes For A Good Morning These Days

This is a good morning.  I was up early, threw on a sweater and jeans and stopped by the bank just long enough to send out the first of my daily reports.   Then I dialed into a conference call as I drove to my favorite local coffee shop here in Small Town #7.  They already know what I want to drink (Mayan Mocha - spicy!) when I walk in.  I bonded with one of the owners, who is originally from Oklahoma.  We talk Brahm's and Sonic a lot.

The call ended right after I walked in, so I wasn't delayed in enjoying my eggs and coffee.  For the next 40 minutes I sipped some delicious coffee and went about putting together my weekly update on the branch.  I pull various numbers from different reports, throw them onto a spreadsheet and send them to my boss.  As you could probably guess, bank life isn't very exciting when I break it down...we've got reports on top of reports, that help us generate more reports that cross reference other reports.  We don't have any TPS Reports yet, but if we do then I hope they let me help design the cover sheet.

To no one's surprise, I'm already off topic.  What I set out to journal was how much I like mornings like this, when I get to do work from a laptop in a coffee shop.  Earlier there was a couple two tables over designing the menu for a party, which eventually led to the hashing out of a giant grocery list.  My grocery shopping usually includes a combo meal number, so this was a little fun to listen in on (at least for me).  The coffee shop is celebrating it's third anniversary this month, so I get a free traveler's mug or t-shirt for being one of the first to order coffee and a full breakfast this morning.  I'm going with the t-shirt.  I have enough coffee mugs for now.

Um, again...off topic.  Mornings like this.  Nice to be out of the branch.  Nice to have a laptop.  Nice to be at a coffee shop and listening to Van Morrison on the radio.  It would be nicer if there wasn't snow and ice outside the window.

It would also be great if every nice detail of today wasn't stacked on top of an inner, deeper kind of sadness.  Generally speaking, it's been a good couple of weeks out here.  Work has gone well, and I like the people at this branch.  But I miss being able to call and talk to Tammy.

It's been 21 days.

Here's how today would have been different if it had happened 22 days ago.  In a few minutes when I pack up my laptop and leave this coffee shop, I would have called Tammy and said, "It figures that two days before I leave this small town I finally see a hot girl at a coffee shop.  And of course I haven't showered yet.  And of course she gets her drink to go."  And I would have joked that of course February 15th is the perfect day to meet a girl, because the gift buying season just ended yesterday.  And then I would ask her what she was getting Stacey for his birthday, and checked in on the kids, and asked when my Girl Scout Cookies are arriving since I never can remember from the last time I asked her.

And that's how the sorrow mixes in with everything, even nice mornings over coffee with a window's view of downtown foot traffic.

If you made it this deep into the blog, congratulations.  And Tammy would like it if I plugged National Organ Donor Day, which gets overshadowed since it also falls on February 14th.  For more information on organ donation, please visit OrganDonor.gov.  I know it's on my list of things to do when I get off work today.

You Never Even Called Me By My Name...

In honor of Get A Different Name Day today, here's a special playlist.  Why so special, you ask?  Because it features the "greatest country music song of all-time" for one thing.

1.  You Never Even Called Me By My Name by David Allan Coe.

And I'll hang around as long as you will let me
And I never minded standing in the rain
But you don't have to call me "darlin'", darlin'
You never even called me by my name...

(Side note:  A group of five of us went out last weekend and this song was played at the bar we were at.  There are no words for how awesome it was to have five native Texans being the only people in a crowded bar screaming along with this song while it played.  I'm pretty sure knowing and loving this song is embedded in the DNA of all Texans.)

2. Anna Begins by Counting Crows

And I can always change my name
if that's what you mean...

3.  You Know My Name  (Look Up the Number) by the Beatles.

4.  Different Names For the Same Thing by Death Cab for Cutie.

The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun
And I have no words to share it with anyone
The boundaries of language I quietly cursed
And all the different names for the same thing...

5.  Boy With No Name by Brian Wright and the Waco Tragedies

We must have missed the last chance oasis
free drinks all around, the sun on our faces
at just the right time, just the right places
she cries for the boy with no name...

6.  My Name Is... by Eminem

Hi! My name is...(what?)  My name is...(who?)
My name is Slim Shady

7.  Name by the Goo Goo Dolls

It's lonely where you are,
come back down
and I won't tell your name...

The Goos "blew the dust off this one" at every.single.show. they played with Counting Crows a few years ago.  So it's now an inside joke for me, Alicia, and Gina.  It even made it into my birthday post over at Alicia's blog.

8.  Unsingable Name by Mike Doughty.

Sweet and plain unsingable name
That rings in my mind now
That strums me like a string
Shine, unsingable name
Over everything

I highly recommend the Haughty Melodic album by Mike Doughty.

9.  Where the Streets Have No Name by U2
Couldn't find lyrics to this one...must be an obscure tune.  I think it's from some Irish band.  This one isn't really about people's names, but I thought the band could use the extra exposure.

10.  My Name is Jonas by Weezer

My name is Jonas.
I'm carrying the wheel.
Thanks for all you've shown us.
This is how we feel...

11.  Who Am I? (What's My Name?) by Snoop Dogg

        Then I step through the fog and I creep through the smog
        Cuz I'm Snoop Doggy (who?) Doggy (what?) Doggy [Dogg]

Wow...a playlist that covers the Beatles, David Allan Coe, and Snoop Dogg.  You can't beat that.

Coming Soon: An Interesting Post

I'm sure I'll blog again soon.  I've had half-decent ideas the last few days...but nothing with enough oomph to get me past logging into this site.  Dog shows, the merits of the spicy chicken sandwiches from Wendy's and Burger King, moving from Ohio Small Town #7 to Kentucky Big Town #1 this Sunday, a busy Grand Opening yesterday, Roger Clemens goes to Congress, the high drama of my embarrassing addiction to watching Rock of Love 2 episodes every time they're on VH-1....there's some blog fodder in there, for sure.

But for tonight...it's just not happening.  No energy.