I'm gonna write this like you don't already know. And thoughts that don't line up neatly might make a little more sense on this screen.
I know we don't talk much these days. You're mostly ignored, save for some unguarded moments right before sleep. I've been busy dodging your calls and looking for hurdles to put in your path. But thoughts of you still slip in quiet, like when traffic surprisingly opens or gets out of my way. And you came back to mind in the middle of a movie today.
I don't have big reasons like war or the poor to stubbornly push you away. If we all sat and counted our hardships mine wouldn't stack up that tall. And that says more than a little about how easy I find it to fall. I've just got me and my everyday problems, and they don't even hold up that well. So I don't understand why I don't boomerang back to your side. Even when my head's alright with the thought, my heart is just shrugging and not really up for the ride.
Most of the folks that I love in this world have you in common. And if not for your church then we'd never have met. So when they ask how I'm doing it feels like I'm betraying some confidence. I used to sing songs with my hands held up high, but these days it's like scheduling time for the dentist. For the life of me I can't find one good reason to have lost trust in you. But that's how it is, and I was hoping we could do something about that.
I miss the looking forward to you. With all these feelings of falling and changing, I miss the gravity of you.
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane - I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden I am unaware
These afflictions eclipse my glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me
yeah, he loves us - whoa how he loves us so
whoa how he loves us
whoa how he loves us
we are his portion and he is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
if grace is an ocean - we're all sinking
so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that he loves us
~ How He Loves Us, John Mark McMillan